He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
