You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
