My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
