so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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