R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am naked and annoyed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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