My first STD was from a foam party
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
