I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
