Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
