I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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