My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
