Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
