It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
