Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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