Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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