Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
