You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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