Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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