Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
