plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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