Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I color on your dick again?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
