Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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