Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
