I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
