the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i've created a new STD.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am available for nakedness
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
