Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
