This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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