I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
