Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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