So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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