Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
