Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
