you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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