She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
