Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
