I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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