I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
