it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
God I need to hump something, right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
