Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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