funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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