woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
