wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
