Your mouth is God's brothel.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
