The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
