That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
