I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
