I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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