You smell like stripper and shame
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
