fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
