i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
