Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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